Showing posts with label Fun Stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun Stuff. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 09, 2016

The Day After the Michigan Presidential Primary

So as the Donkey & Elephant Circus leaves town today, the Rube is left contemplating the massive transmission failure that left him in the dust of Brutus Buckeye and the Texas Cactus.

On the other side Maleficent remains stunned by the totally unexpected upstaging of her easy pickings by the Magical Mr. Magoo.

Meanwhile the circus clown, masquerading as the Wizard of Oz, goes merrily on his way having once again deftly maneuvered the smoke and mirrors to avoid detection as the man behind the curtain.

We hope you enjoyed the show. Thank you for coming.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

An Evening in Ada

We are in the van, on our way to pick up the grandsons to take them to the Wednesday night church activities. What's that sound? Why is the van driving weird? Do we have a flat tire?

Pull off busy main highway into subdivision. Pull over and stop. Exit van and check right front tire. Flat! OK, first time I've had to change a tire on this van. Where is the jack? Hah! Why doesn't the jack come out of there? What's that wing nut? Okay jack is available for use. Where is the spare tire in this thing? Oh! Under the back of the van. Okay, How does it come down? It is hard to see because it is dark, and the only light is the street light and a feeble flashlight. I'm laying on the ground looking underneath trying to figure it out. Scratch head.

Get up and go get manual out of drawer under front passenger seat. Look in back appendix for "tire". "Changing tire - 222." Turn to page 222. Ah! Okay... Use jack handle wrench to turn do-giggy under the floor mat in the back to let spare tire down. Fumble around figuring out how to get tire off the lift do-wacky. Okay,now we can change the tire. Pop hubcap off. Look under van at frame trying to figure out where to set the jack. Hum... Get up and refer to page 222 in the car manual. Ah! Get back down and look under frame for the little thing-a-ma-jig the jack lift needs to fit into. Okay! We're on our way!

Crank jack up until there is a little lift. Slightly crack lugnuts... Crank on jack some more and van raises up. Wait a minute. That don't look right... As the jack is going up, it starts leaning... Not good at all! Visions of van crashing off jack flash before my eyes. Crank jack back down. Reset jack and then crank it up again. Much better! Finally flat front right tire starts to lift off the ground. Stop cranking and loosen lugnuts some more. Crank jack some more and flat right front tire clears the ground. Remove lugnuts. Try to take tire off and it doesn't budge. Rusted? Kick at tire. No movement. Look closer. Sigh... Remove remaining top lugnut I thought I had already removed. Flat right front tire comes off.

I grab spare tire and swing it into place.. Hum... This spare looks like it has seen better days... Probably has never been used. Oh well! Here goes. Spare is on and I put the lugnuts on snug. Crank jack down until spare touches ground. Snug lugnuts tighter, then reef on them hard to tighten. Crank jack rest of way down. Throw flat tire, hubcap and jack into back of the van. Finally we can go!

I get in van where wife and daughter have been patiently waiting. Start van and put it in gear and start moving. OH OH! That doesn't sound good. Stop van about ten feet from were it had been sitting when I had changed the flat right front tire. I get out and go around and look at the spare tire. Flat! We are going nowhere.

I get back in van. Find insurance paper in glove compartment with the 800 number to call for road service. Automated answering voice tells me to punch one number for hurricane Sandy related claims, and another number for "normal" claims. I punch "other number". Finally a live real human being is talking to me. Live real human being's first question, "Are you safe?" Yes, we are safe. Live human being asks for insurance info policy number and verifies I am who I am. Live human being asks what the nature of problem is. I explain to live human being I have a flat tire and a flat spare tire. Live human being asks where we are. Duh... What street is this? I had been so concerned about getting off the highway that I didn't see the name of the street I had turned on to. I walk back to street corner and verify name of street. I tell live human voice where I want van with flat tire and flat spare tire towed to. Live human voice verifies insurance will cover tow to that place, and informs me the tow truck will be at van location in about an hour or less... I will get voice messages or texts regarding ETA.

Wife calls next door neighbor to see if they would be able to come and pick up wife and daughter and give them a ride home. Kind neighbor friends says, "Sure!" We sit in van and wait. Kind neighbor friend arrives and takes wife and daughter home.

I sit in van and wait for tow truck. I listen to the radio. A few times I turn on van engine and warm van up. I finish off a partially filled bottle of water. I realize finishing off said bottle of water might end up being a mistake pending how long I may or may not have to wait for tow truck. Phone buzzes and I am told tow truck ETA is 15 minutes. Tow truck arrives about 40 minutes after taking to "live human being". Tow truck driver hooks up van with flat tire and flat spare tire. I get into tow truck cab. Tow truck driver tows van back to repair shop in Ada. Favorite youngest daughter and Charlie Brown are there with other van and and give me ride home...

I am home. There is no whiskey or other alcoholic spirits in the house. Probably a good thing at this point.

- The End -

Friday, November 25, 2011

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North
 

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

The Midland
 
The South
 
The Northeast
 
Philadelphia
 
The West
 
Boston
 
North Central
 
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Book & Movie Titles That Never Were



Some friends were over this evening, and we got into this thing of coming up with titles of books and movies, then turning them into creative titles that never were but could have been. Enjoy!

  1. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer Get Stoned

  2. Malice in Wonderland

  3. False Grit

  4. Harry Potter: The Disorder of the Phoenix

  5. A Welcome to Legs ( E. Hemingway)

  6. Little Ado About Everythiing (W. Shakespeare)

  7. Peter Pot

  8. Dr. Jekyll & Mrs. Hyde

  9. Scared Old World (A. Huxley)

  10. Your Anthony (W. Cather)

  11. A Tail of Two Cities (C. Dickens)

  12. Nonsense and Insensibility (J. Austen)

  13. Here With the Breeze (M. Mitchall)

  14. The Gizzard of Oz


Now you have the idea. What can you come up with?

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Comics and the Peter Pan Syndrome


We all suffer to some degree or another from Peter Pan Syndrome; "I don't want to grow up!" But now think about your favorite comic stripes.

Linus, Lucy and Charlie never grow up. Snoopy does not get old and die like old Shep, Lassie, and Duke did. Blondie and Dagwood never get old enough to retire, and their kids never graduate from high school, go to college, and get married. Luann is stuck in perpetual teenage years too. Dilbert’s company never goes bankrupt in spite of all the idiotic decisions the pointy haired boss makes.

Imagine a fifty year old Charlie Brown who still looks like he did when he was eight. Fourteen years is a long life for a dog, and Snoopy has been around for three to four or more dog lifes.

Of course that is the nature of the literary medium of newspaper comic stripes. We recognize that, accept it, and go on through the years and decades enjoying the comic stripes we've been reading for ten, twenty, thirty, forty or more years.

The truth is we don't want our comic stripe friends to "grow up", and that's okay as long as we don't forget real life is not that way.

~ The Billy Goat ~

Monday, February 02, 2009

Rambling Words Upon A Page


[The following was a sort of "creative stream of consciousness" exercise. As such it is something of a departure from the normal run of things I post here.]

Words chasing words; following after one another, flying here and there seeking to make some meaning out of meaningless blather and bluster.
...............................

The death star shot its beam of destruction into the un-suspecting planet killing all, destroying all, leaving nothing but debris, rocks and boulders barren of life tumbling through space. In that blast, the gravitational balance of the star system was suddenly unhinged. The effect of that un-hinging rippled through the galaxy and beyond untill the whole universe was gyrating violently as it began to collapse in on itself, becoming a universal cosmic black hole. On the death star, the dark lord stood astonished and dismayed. He was still pondering the gravity of his mis-calculations as he watched his body disintegrating into the oblivion said mis-calculations had wrought.
.........................................

The goat stared coldly at the troll as it vaunted itself in its own pomposity astride the bridge. The cold stare reflected the steel resolve, determination and hatred the goat had towards the troll and all the troll stood for and all the evil the troll had done. The goat did not wait for the troll to advance. Head lowered, he launched into a deliberate and ferocious charge. The troll roared in anger. The goat paused not a whit, and in the force of the charge hit the troll square in the gut and with a up thrust of the head tossed the vile beast of a bully over the side of the bridge into the deep, swiftly flowing current below.
..........................................

The bugle sounded the call to arms over the vast bivouac of the dead. The earth trembled and shook as those who had long rested from the toil and fury of battle were roused to arms. Up they came from there resting places. Some in revolutionary dress quickly begen to fall into place behind the white wigged man astride the horse . Officers came riding up beside him and in one voice cried, "General Washington! Your orders Sir!.

And others came. Soldiers of the 1812, and the Mexican War. The Blue with Grant at their head, and the Gray behind General Lee. Grant and Lee rode up together, side by side and cried, “General Washington Sir! What are your orders Sir?” Pershing came with the doughboys of 1918 out of the stillness of Flanders Field and the Argonne Forest. Marines from the Pacific theater of WW2, Army units roused from their sleep near Normandy's beach. All assembled.

Washington then drew his sword. With that sword he pointed to the enemy swarming down over the land. As one, all the mass of the Brigades of the Dead moved into battle array and formation. The color bearer came to the front holding aloft the Stars and Stripes at which sight all in the Army of the Dead found tears swelling in their eyes; tears quickly replaced by steel determination and cold resolve.

General Washington, with Grant and Lee and all the other Generals of all the other wars beside him, lifted his sword aloft once more. Then with a sweep of his arm, he again pointed and the charge began.
....................................

"Yes, my son?"... "No. Now is not the time."... "Patience my son. The time will come soon enough... Patience" .... "Watch and listen... When it comes, you will know."
.................................

Words swirl and spiral. Whisking about were 'er they will...... What do you mean by this word "word"? What story doth this word "word" tell?
..................................

The barren wilderness stretched out before him, stark, dry, and seemingly lifeless. He knew better of course. Life was there, and could be found if you knew where and how to look. But you would only find it if you treated the land with respect. You must pay attention, be observant, and think clearly. He knew that more then a few men had perished in this place. Even if he was careful and observant and was able to keep thinking coherently, the odds were not exactly in his favor, but there was a chance, and that chance was better then the alternative. He looked about getting his bearings. Fixing his eyes on a distant landmark, he set out...
................................................

Where will the words go? Oh where, Oh where will they go? Words! Words! Flighty as birds, Oh where, Oh where will they go? In the ear and out. In the eye and about. Hither there, everywhere, Oh where will the words go?

Copywrite © 2009. All rights reserved.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Hickory Dickory Dock Dissected


[This reconstruction is based on a recently found irrelevant manuscript. It is apparent the traditional rendition was based on some scribal glosses found in latter manuscripts.]


Hickory Dickory Dock...
The Moose ran up the clock...
The clock struck one...
The Moose weighed a ton.
No more Hickory Dickory Clock...


~ The Billy Goat ~

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Let's Do The Math


The Earth is traveling around the Sun at a rate of 67,00 miles per hour. That comes to about 586,920,000 miles per year (give or take a little for Leap Years). One conclusion you can make from this is that you spend your life going around in circles. You may have already suspected that, but now you know.

But there is more.

The Sun is orbiting around the Milky Way Galaxy. I found differnt estimates as to the speed of that orbit so we'll use the more conservative one of 19.5 km/s. That calculates out to 43,620 miles per hour which comes to 382,375,179 miles per year.

But there is more yet.

From this article at Wikpedia, we read the following:

"Astronomers believe the Milky Way is moving at approximately 600 km per second relative to the observed locations of other nearby galaxies. Most recent estimates range from 130 km/s to 1,000 km/s. If the Galaxy is moving at 600 km/s, Earth travels 51.84 million km per day, or more than 18.9 billion km per year, about 4.5 times its closest distance from Pluto. The Galaxy is thought to be moving towards the constellation Hydra, and may someday become a close-knit member of the Virgo cluster of galaxies."


That 18.9 billion Km per year calculates out to 11,743,915,533 miles per year. After so many years of traveling all those miles while going around in circles, it's no wonder you feel tired out.

And how many miles is that? Take the 11.7 billion miles over an 80 year life span and you come up with over 939.5 billion miles.

There is only one thing you can say to that.

Life is a real trip....

Cheers!

~ The Billy Goat ~

PS: One more thing. If you live past the age of 85.5, your odometer will be over 1.0 Trillion miles.