Better a Millstone...

As much as I would rather not, I find I need to say a little something about the recent issues/scandal at the Association of Baptists for World Evangelism (ABWE). The Christianity Today story regarding the Donn Ketcham affair can be found here. As well the ABWE statement regarding this long festering sad tragedy can be found here.

A number of years ago I had providential occasion to see the effect of this sordid affair on one of Donn Ketcham's children. The scars this adult son was carrying were obvious and clearly deeply felt even though at the time I did not know the source of that pain in his life. I also have an acquaintance who was an ABWE MK, and whose family was serving in Bangladesh at the time Ketcham was there engaging in his wicked acts. It is clear that very serious errors in judgement were made by a number of ABWE leaders at several high levels that resulted in justice and righteousness being denied. That said I affirm my personal confidence in the spiritual integrity and honesty of the individual ABWE missionaries around the world that our church currently supports. May God give much grace, mercy and healing to the victims of this obviously evil man who now has had to more fully answer to Christ's church for his wicked actions.

I get angry when I see a church or organization use the "tell it not in Gath" excuse to cover up serious, even criminal wrong doing, or attempt to generalize or minimize such a scandal instead of facilitating fuller public disclosure that would shed light on how deep the actual failure of a particular person, usually a pastor or other "respected" leader was. Inevitably in those cases the victim is victimized again and justice and righteousness is not realized. The result is, as it has been in the ABWE-Ketcham case, the gospel and the work of the gospel is harmed by an even worse scandal.

" Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me,but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world for temptations to sin! For it is necessary that temptations come, but woe to the one by whom the temptation comes!"

~ Matthew 18:4-7

Theological Propaganda?

I am in the process of reading a book; a book that received much attention, far and wide, when it was published earlier this year. I found myself asking the question, "What am I really reading? What is it about how this book was written?" After a while the word "propaganda" came to mind.

Now there are words of a negative connotation that you don't want to toss loosely around when talking of those whom Jesus said are our neighbors, even with those neighbors whose theology and message we take strong exception to.  "Propaganda" is one of those words. It is one of those words we could quickly toss out as part of an ad hominem argument; and that even as ad hominem arguments are one of the techniques of propaganda.

Nonetheless if the shoe fits, then we are also obligated to speak truth about what our neighbor has said.

 

At this point we need to refer to the Propaganda Critic WWW site which has built on the work of the original Institute for Propaganda Analysis (IPA). To quote from this site:

"The IPA is best-known for identifying the seven basic propaganda devices: Name-Calling, Glittering Generality, Transfer, Testimonial, Plain Folks, Card Stacking, and Band Wagon. According to the authors of a recent book on propaganda, "these seven devices have been repeated so frequently in lectures, articles, and textbooks ever since that they have become virtually synonymous with the practice and analysis of propaganda in all of its aspects." (Combs and Nimmo, 1993)"

The above quote lists seven basic propaganda techniques. It is not my intent to expand on the seven techniques. For that discussion I greatly encourage you to go to the P-C link above. If you have been around Christianity for any time, you will also recognize that some of the techniques listed are also marks of cultish behavior found in some churches.

All that said, there were several things about the book I'm reading that raised a flag; a total lack of footnotes or bibliography, partial quotes from Scripture used without any reference to the wider context of the quote, broad sweeping assertions or unqualified statements and subtle ad hominem allusions.

And I've seen this before in other theological contexts from those who would take great exception to the author I'm reading. The rhetorical techniques fit the definition of propaganda; theological propaganda.

Let the reader beware...

~ The Billy Goat ~

The Ekklesia of Christ - Part Three
(The use of authority in the local church.)
by John G. Reisinger

In a church I was once a part of, and in a noticeable part of the movement that church was part of, John Resinger was persona non grata. We knew he existed, but his name was not to be mentioned unless in that certain tone of voice that, without going into detail, would let the un-initiated know that Brother John didn't cross all our "t"'s and dot all our "i"'s, and as such was to be shunned as someone who should know better, but... Well, you get the picture...

Having been away from that church and movement for several years, I've had opportunity to more objectively evaluate John Reisinger and his ministry. I have found that years before he had come to conclusions that I only more recently had come to in the light of experience and Scripture. The above article touches on some of those issues.

The above article is part three of his discussion on The Ekklesia of Christ. The first part can be found here, and the second part of the series can be found here, with part four and five here and here.

Let me conclude by quoting the first paragraph from this third article.

"The theme of this third article on the ekklesia deals with authority. This is the main issue in nearly all discussions of the ekklesia of Christ. Several years ago a group of Reformed Baptist pastors published a book entitled Shepherding God's Flock. The book was specifically aimed at trying to correct a growing problem of abusive eldership within that movement. The very fact the book was written and published is testimony to the severity of the problem about which these men were concerned. It is obvious that there are a lot of elders in that movement, and in other movements, who are acting like mini-popes. These writers evidently felt a moral obligation to the church to expose such tyranny. The introduction says it all:.."

'nuff said.

~ The Billy Goat ~

Excerpt from "Abusive Churches: Leaving Them Behind"
by Pat Zukeran

"Things are changing." That is what we hear from friends who are still going to our former church. Frankly we hope they really are changing, but when asked for specific examples of how things have changed, our friends have to really reach to come up with anything really concrete. The bottom line is that for there to be meaningful change, those changes need to be made in the very foundations of this particular church. This excerpt by Pat Zukeran points out some of those foundational things that need to be addressed. ~ The Billy Goat ~

Can Abusive Churches Change?
"Those who find themselves in authoritarian churches often remain despite the difficulties because there is an underlying hope that the church can change. Even after they leave they often remain keenly interested in the affairs of the former church because they hope restoration will still occur.

Can abusive churches change? Although with God all things are possible, it is my opinion that it is highly unlikely that this will happen. Although a few have, they are the exceptions.

Why is change in these organizations so difficult? One reason is that change usually begins in the leadership. However, the leadership structure is designed so that the leader has control over the personnel. Although there may be a board, the individuals on the board are ultimately selected by the authoritarian leader. He selects men and women loyal to him, who do not question him, or hold him accountable. Therefore, he insulates himself from dealing with difficult issues or addressing his unhealthy practices.

Dysfunctional leaders also resist change because it is an admission of failure. In order for a genuine change of heart, leaders must first acknowledge a problem and repent. However, a leader who considers himself "God's man" or the spokesman for God will rarely humble himself to confess his shortcomings. Spiritual wholeness and renewal cannot be achieved until unhealthy behavior is recognized and dealt with. Unless this behavior is confronted, the likelihood of real change is diminished.

In most cases, the leadership focuses the blame on others. Those who left the church were not committed, were church hoppers, etc. Stephen Arterburn writes, "Anyone who rebels against the system must be personally attacked so people will think the problem is with the person, not the system." It is often useless to point out flaws because an abusive church lives in a world of denial. Many of the leaders are themselves deceived. Although sincere in their efforts, they may have no idea their leadership style is unhealthy and harmful. They are usually so narcissistic or so focused on some great thing they are doing for God that they don't notice the wounds they are inflicting on their followers. These leaders often twist Scripture to justify their unhealthy behavior. Most members will go along with this because they assume their pastors know the Bible better than they do.

Lastly, authoritarian churches make every effort to ensure that a good name and image is preserved. Therefore, the leadership often functions in secrecy. Disagreeing members are threatened and told to remain silent or are quietly dismissed.

For these reasons, it is my opinion that it is best to leave an abusive or unhealthy church. Learn to let go and let God deal with that group. Only He can bring people to repentance. Although painful, leaving an unhealthy church and joining a healthy body of believers will begin the healing process and open new doors of fellowship, worship, and service for you." (Complete article found here.)

Spiritual Abuse in the Pulpit and the Pew
by Dale O. Wolery, (Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources)
"Pastors should be the last people to perpetrate abuse. The idea is disconcerting and repulsive, but God’s people sometimes do God’s work in destructive ways. Surely not every clergyperson is an abuser, and yet many thoughtful observers believe that spiritual abuse, intentional or not, has become the norm for modern pastors.

Any ministerial behavior, mine or someone else’s, that damages someone’s relationship with God is spiritual abuse..." (complete article...)

To "Power Up"

I heard a new phrase tonight. "Power up". This phrase was used to describe pastors that lord it over their people. The man who used this phrase is the President of Baptist Bible College and Seminary in Clark Summit. PA.

He was speaking on II Timothy 2, and had come to the words in verse 24 "the Lord's servant". The contrast was being made between true servant leadership and those who use their position of authority to "power up" over other people.

My wife and I looked at one another. We each knew what the other was thinking. "Powering up"... Yes, we've seen that done in a church before. And an apt description it is of lording it over a flock.

Thankfully we are no longer in an abusive church where to "power up" was the norm for the leadership style. And of course many times it was done in the name of "Biblical counseling".... Bah Humbug! And if you had a problem with that style it was because "you were the problem..." never the leadership... Bah Humbug!

What is worse is when that style of leadership is copied in the home... It's a sure way of creating un-godly ugly Nabal like husbands and fathers... Bah Humbug!!!

Christ did not lead by the "power up". He lead by servant example. He was an example of what it means to "..be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition..." (II Timothy 2:24-25).

Does your pastor lead by use of the "power up"? If so, it is time to get a new pastor, either by removing the bum from office, or "firing" him by walking away from that church and not looking back.

Baaaaahhhh.....

~ The Billy Goat ~

"What Language does your Church Speak?": The Language of Abusive Churches and Groups

Preface: This list is a compiling of words and phrases used by abusive churches and religious groups. Please note this list is not about how these words and phrases may be properly used, but it is about how these words and phrases are misused by abusers to manipulate and control in an un-Biblical manner. How does your church or group use these words and phrases?

I want to acknowledge the many contributions to this list that have came from other spiritual abuse survivors, especially those at the Spiritual Abuse Forum at Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources .



Accountable: Members of the church or group should be "accountable" to the pastor or elders, and get "godly counsel" on all personal and family decisions even when those issues are (1) none of their business and (2) the pastor or elders have zero competency in the area involved. Also see "oversight".

Angry: What a person is deemed to be when they tell the truth about something that has happened. Because you are "angry" and have a "bitter spirit" your legitimate concerns and issues can be written off and ignored. After all "you are the one with the problem", not the actual offender, especially if the offender is a pastor or elder.

Apostate: A derisive comment made about anyone who will not swallow the party line hook, line and sinker. Often used when speaking of those who have left the church or group. In some churches or groups this word is to be said in a manner that reminds everyone of the "fact" that even the devil himself is less evil than an apostate.

Backslider: (1) Someone trying to be active in the church but just can't seem to get it together... through no one else's fault but their own, of course! (2) A person who has left the church or group. Also see "apostate". (3) Someone who finds it impossible to keep all the man made rules peculiar to the church or group.

Bad Attitude: (1) "This was usually the first step to "disfellowshipping". If we didn't agree with the minister, we were classified as having a BA. If we didn't repent and agree with the minister we would be likely disfellowshipped." Also see "Critical spirit". (2) People who have left the church or group left because they had a "bad attitude" and were "troublemakers".

a Bitter spirit (vari. "Don't be bitter."): (1) The charge made against a person because that person still stands by what they first said. (2) Former members who say anything negative about the church or group are charged with having "a bitter spirit", so what they say is not given any credibility and ignored even though it is factually true. (3) "Don't be bitter." "...Said by the truly unkind in order to deeply wound, for (spiritual abuse) survivors aren't bitter - we just HURT ... A LOT!!!!! Said to shame, usually in a very public venue and/or in front of other kind people ... or, worst of all, in front of the "Undecideds" who, upon hearing this condemnation, decide that yes, the (spiritual abuse) survivors are indeed "bitter" ... when all we are doing is HURTING ... A LOT!!!... "

Black sheep: see Apostate

Congregationalism: "Congregationalism" is what you are guilty of in an elder ruled church when you try to hold an elder or elders accountable for how they are lording it over and abusing the sheep. For you to be guilty of "congregationalism" means that the elders can ignore and dismiss your legitimate concerns regarding how they are ruling the church.

Critical spirit: If you think about the pastor's sermons to see if they line up with Scripture, you have a "critical spirit". " I was approached by an elder who said, "You're thinking about the sermons I preach, aren't you?" When I replied that I was just doing what Paul commended the Bereans for doing, he told me I totally misinterpreted that passage, and I was not to "judge" his sermons." Also see "Divisive".

Disfellowshipping: (1) "This was the very last thing any of us wanted. It meant that we were now in jeopardy of losing our Eternal Salvation. Only those who were part of the "Only True Church" would be given Eternal Life. It was like a death sentence to us and the ministers knew that and always hung this over our heads like the sword of Damocles' if we didn't agree and obey them." (2) What in some churches is called "excommunication".

Dissident: A term for someone who was against us. It was the old "them against us" attitude. See also "circle the wagons".

Divisive: (1) What a person is called because some people actually realized what that person said was the truth so the church is split. (2) A term used of some one who doesn't swallow the party line hook, line, and sinker. See "Apostate".

a Family matter: When the church leadership doesn't want the embarrassment of public disclosure in the community at large regarding a scandal in the church, that scandal becomes a "family matter" and is not to be discussed with people outside of the church or group. That the community at large has a vital and legitimate interest in the matter is ignored, even when the matter involves wrong doing such as criminal sexual conduct, child or wife abuse, a suspicious death, or etc.. In such cases the primary reason for something to be "a family matter" is so the leadership or church can "save face". See also "Tell it not in Gath".

Free Will: (1) Everyone has it, everyone knows that everyone has it ... so why can't you stop eating that entire carton of ice cream? Why can't you just put it back in the freezer? All it's takes is "Will Power". (2) Said from the pulpit: "You're well taught and you know what to do, so WHY DON'T YOU DO IT!.."

"Because I'm the pastor, that's why!" (Variation: "May I remind you I am the pastor!") "How dare you doubt me!" "Are you questioning my authority?" "Don't be a troublemaker." "Keep the peace." "Submit to you elder."

This type of thinking is a symptom of living under leadership that legislates and demands obedience to their authority. It rests upon a false basis for authority. The sole basis on which they grasped this authority was because of their rank as ministers alone. In other words, their authority was NOT founded on the fact that they were wise, discerning and true. It was based soley in the fact that they were in charge.

In the new covenant, we see that Jesus established a new basis of authority. It was no longer age, gender, or race. It is now based on the evidence of the Holy Spirit within you. Attributes like maturity, wisdom, genuine holiness, and real knowledge are required in order to evidence Jesus' brand of authority. "Because I said so" does not work anymore. "Because I'm the pastor" does not cut it. So if my basis for authority is solely that I hold an office, I have a false basis for authority.

We do not have authority in God's eyes simply because we are named the pastor, the elder, or the chairman. We are going to have to speak the truth to have real authority. We are going to have to be sensitive to the Spirit to have authority. We are going to have to be wise, and seek to know and say what God says clearly and accurately...." (Excerpts from the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse".) (See also "Touch not the Lord's anointed.")

a Jezebel Spirit: (1) A term used specifically to describe a woman who is "unteachable". See also second entry for "unsubmissive". (2) Also used to describe a woman in the congregation or group who has the audacity to seek to publicly expose the unwanted and unasked for sexual harassment she received from the pastor or other prominent male church member. Such harassment usually fits the definition of a criminal sexual offense as defined by statute law, and exposure would result in negative publicity in the community at large. (See "a family matter")

"Lord's Day Bible Institute Classes" (also known as "Sunday School", in some groups and churches called "Sabbath School".): "Mandatory meetings where attendance is strictly recorded and the peculiar doctrines held by the church are repeated numerous times over many years until your brain is numb with boredom and you are thoroughly convinced that there can be no other truth and you have begun to lose the ability to think for yourself. To miss one of these meetings is a grave sin and indicates that you may be "apostate"."

Love Gifts (1) TV Preachers remind us to send in them"LOVE GIFTS",,,,,,,,,, I can feel the "Anointing" now!!!!!! Sum ten GOTTS A HOLD ON ME!!!!!!!!! (2) You've given the first tithe. Many of you have given the second tithe. Some of you have even given the third tithe. Now, on top of all the tithes, prove how "spiritual" you really are, and support "the work" by giving those "love gifts".

We are a "nondenominational" church.: So we're not accountable to anyone and if you don't like the way we run roughshod over you and your family, that's tough. After all you need to be "submissive" and "accountable". Also see "We are an independent church".

Oh, they just use the doctrine of men..: Used to disparage other churches or groups that don't dot all your "I"'s and cross all your "T"'s. Of course only your church or group has it all together and has the "full truth".

You need to be "Open and transparent": (1)...and tell the pastors what your thinking or struggling with so they can jump down your throat, and berate and scream at you for not "measuring up", especially during "oversight". (2) What the leaders publicly berate the congregation about while at the same time withholding from the congregation relevant information regarding church matters or problems in the personal lives of a leader that would actually disqualify said leader from his leadership position.

Oversight: Mandatory meetings where an elder or elders come to your home and ask you personal and intimate questions about things that are not really any of their business in the first place. (How often do you and your spouse have sex?) Oversight is also used as a time for incompetent pastors or elders to give incompetent and bad advice that causes disruptions in family relationships, most often between spouses, but also parent-child relationships, and extended family relationships. Refusal to have, or a negative attitude regarding "oversight" is sign of being "rebellious", and an indication of "backsliding" and "unsubmissivness", and may lead to "apostasy".

don't be Petty... A phrase used to effectively dismiss your legitimate concerns regarding issues in the church as they relate to the heavy handedness of the leadership or imbalance in the ministry. By this phrase you are being told you are being "selfish" and you need to have a bigger vision of "the work". A variation of this word is used very effectively in public prayer. "Lord, deliver us from pettiness.. yada, yada, yada..."

Prodigal son/daughter: see Apostate

Rebellious, as in "a rebellious spirit” or "a rebellious heart": (1) When a young person in the congregation or group asks the pastor or leader an honest question about the justification for a peculiar practice or belief of the church or group, and the pastor is unable to answer the young person's question with an open Bible, then that young person has a "rebellious spirit" or heart. (2) Also used as another term for anyone, who is "unsubmissive", most especially a wife who is "unsubmissive". See also "a Jezebel Spirit". (3) What a person is when they are "unwilling to reconcile". (4) Anyone who doesn't get with "the program".

Singleness (1) "An undesirable temporary state, not conducive to "spiritual growth" or "church fellowship". People who choose to remain in this state for an "unnatural" length of time are likely "rebellious" and in a "dangerous spiritual condition", not to mention just plain "strange" and unworthy of "fellowship". (2) The state of a young person after they grow up seeing so many unhappy marriages in the church, including his/her own parents, that were aggravated by the inept counseling and meddling of incompetent pastors whose struggles in their own marriages was carefully hid from the congregation.

Slander: to say anything negative about the church to anyone outside the church. "I asked a Christian friend I respected for a recommendation for a church I could attend. The only words I said to her about my previous church was, "Something awful happened at my church and I had to leave." My friend asked a deacon's wife what was going on that I would leave the church, the deacon's wife reported it to the elders, and I got a visit from the elders of my former church that evening. I was accused of slandering the church."

The Truth is here: ... and nowhere else, so if you leave and go to another church you are leaving the "truth".

This is a safe church: But then you find out its not safe. That was just the pastors trying to convince themselves or someone else. It means they are too lazy to make sure it's safe. A place that is really safe doesn't have to spend a lot of time talking about it trying to convince people it is.

Teachable: You are "teachable" when you passively accept what you are taught without questioning the exegesis or logic. (See "unteachable")

troublemaker: (1) Someone who has the audacity to think the elders should be effectively accountable to the congregation. (2) Anyone who had the nerve and gall to see through the pastor's slipshod exegesis and pseudo-scholarship, and as a result refuse to accept the pastor's interpretation and application. (3) People who have left the church. They were just "troublemakers" so we don't have to give any serious thought or care as to why they left. (4) Anyone in a business meeting who asked critical questions the elders didn't really want to have to deal with even though the questions were very relevant to the issue at hand. (5) Anyone who voted "no" on a proposal or matter the elders favored. (6) Anyone who said anything that was in any way negative about the church. See also "slander"..

Unteachable: (1) You are "unteachable" when you have the audacity to go home and study out an issue for yourself from the Bible, and come to different conclusion then what you were taught. The sin in doing this is your exposing the teacher or preacher's flawed exegesis and sloppy scholarship. (See "teachable" and "unsubmissive") (2) Also used to describe "not getting it". "I was supposed to "get it" when the elders asked me to "resign" from being deacon. I am guessing that what I was supposed to "get" was that "it was all my fault", and the actual offending party had no responsibility whatsoever. In that group of churches to be labelled "unteachable" is equivalent to a "death sentence". Someone who is "unteachable" is on the road to excommunication; they have committed the highest offense a Christian can commit." (3) Also used to describe those who visit the church for a period of time, but then cease coming and go to another church.

Unsubmissive: (1) When you follow your own conscience in the light of your own understanding of Scripture instead of doing what the pastors or elders told you to do, you are "unsubmissive". (2) When a godly Christian wife refuses to tolerate the outrageous, dictatorial overbearing abuse of her husband, then she is an "unsubmissive" wife. See also "a Jezebel Spirit" and "Rebellious".

Unwilling to reconcile: What a person is when they will not accept the pastor's nonnegotiable version of what took place and agree to back his version. .

The "Work": (1) "This was the Ultimate goal of all of the church members; to back the leader with our tithes, offerings and time. We were to sacrifice to keep the TV, radio, college and all the things considered part of "The Work". There would often be sent out a members letter asking us for a special emergency offering because of "The Work". We would be asked to sacrifice and even take out loans if we didn't have anything to send in. Some people mortgaged their homes and delayed some necessary purchases such as new car so that they could give. As a result, some lost their homes and drove wrecks. This caused a huge financial burden for many." (2) The pastors or elders agenda for making a name for themselves in the particular movement, association, or denomination they are a part of. This agenda is often fueled by a certain degree of megalomania that is not satisfied with controlling and abusing ones own people, but wants to also control and exert power over other pastors in a wider sphere of church relationships . Also see "Protestant papal syndrome". If you do not wholeheartedly support "the work", then you are being "petty" and lack "kingdom vision".

The "World" "The classic, them against us attitude. It was often used when we would do something that some took as "worldly"; watching certain TV programs, or too much TV, buying an expensive car, suit etc. The lists could go on and on, and it was always up to those in authority to interpret it the way they wanted to. We were never totally sure what was worldly or not. Usually, it was the unspoken rule that we should all know. It led to a lot of conformity to this image of what was part of the "World" and what was part of the "Church". So we were always second-guessing all the things we did. It left one with a certain uneasiness, knowing that we were always wrong in certain areas and slipping up. Kept us on the endless treadmill of perfectionism to work at our own salvation. This contributed to never measuring up and was the cause of depression and in rare cases, leading to suicide with a few. I know personally one of my friends who committed suicide. He was always going over the deep end in this area."

"We Don't" phrases

We don't do things that way. So stop rocking the boat and upsetting the "status quo". Besides, we don't want to change our leadership style, even if you think the Bible is clear we should. You're just being a "troublemaker".

We don't want to over react: So we will not act at all to correct the excess or extreme.

We don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. So the dirty bath water will never get thrown out at all.

We don't want to take sides. This phrase is used to avoid making any decision at all which would deal with the abuse which was taking place in the situation.

(Original publication 03/27/2004)

"It is a dangerous thing to arouse an Ent". ~ Gandalf ~

Is Your Church Free from Cultic Tendencies

[It is very possible for a church, to be orthodox in doctrine and to still exhibit cultic tendencies. I found a disturbing number of these points described my former church, and amplified the reasons we left that church. Here is a checklist for responsible Christians, from the Spiritual Counterfeits Project . ~The Billy Goat ~ ]

"The following checklist of cultic tendencies by Charles Lesser was published in the October, 1991 Spiritual Counterfeits Project Newsletter. They are typical of a number of aberrational cultic groups and churches on the scene today.

1. Is your pastor fully accountable to a board of elders, presbyters, etc?
2. Is loyalty to Jesus and to one's own calling placed before loyalty to pastor and church?
3. Does your pastor encourage questions and suggestions? Is he approachable?
4. Does your pastor give equal attention to all kinds of people in his congregation?
5. Does your pastor readily admit his errors?
6. Does your pastor avoid boasting or hinting at a "special anointing"?
7. Is your pastor truly humble?
8. Are the sermons based on clear Biblical truths, not on "original revelations" or ax-grinding?
9. Does your church interact with other churches?
10. Does your church staff avoid secrecy?
11. Is power shared in your church (rather than preempted by a hierarchy)?
12. Does your church see itself as just one organ of the Body of Christ, and not the main one?
13. Is your church truly friendly?
14. Does your church emphasize ministry to people rather than church programs?
14. Are especially needy people cared for lovingly in your church?
15. Are church members encouraged and loved even when they leave?
16. Are relationships with former members encouraged or allowed?
17. Do the pastor and congregation avoid attacking and using as object lessons, former members or those who disagree?
18. Are families encouraged to stay together and spend time together?
19. Does your family worship Sunday service include children, at least for part of the service?
20. Are you encouraged in your own calling?
21. Are pleas for money rare and unemotional?
22. Are your children happy to attend church?
23. Are you happy to bring unsaved friends to your church?
24. Is there a diversity of classes, races, dress styles, ages, and occupations in your church?
25. Are people encouraged to hear from God for themselves?
26. Is there a single behavior standard for all people in the church?
27. Are all types of people considered welcome at your church?
28. Is the joy of the Lord present in your church?
29. Are you free from fear in your church?
30. Do you think more about God and Jesus than you do about your pastor and church?
31. Does your pastor include himself in any calls for repentance and forgiveness?
32. Are you clear that the pastors and elders never exaggerate or lie to make themselves look good?
33. Is your group encouraging of each other and free from gossip and rumoring?
34. Is there a humility of doctrine that points to the grace of God and His mercy for sinners?
35. Are you encouraged to serve in ministries or missions outside the local body?
36. Is there ever any pressure put upon members to give or lend money to leaders for their personal or business use (exclusive of church business or projects)? "

Recovery From Spiritual Abuse - Article
How You Can Help

By Sharon Hilderbrant, M.A.

"Churches on the fringe exist in every major metropolitan area as well as in small towns and isolated rural areas. Some are large, "mega-church" organizations, while some may be small house-church gatherings. Most of them look fairly normal to outsiders. That is, until abused persons begin to leave and tell of their experiences.

Getting out of the group is only the beginning of recovery. Recovery involves, according to one survivor, getting "the group out of us." The effects of abuse are long-standing. The following outlines how Christians can help the spiritually abused in their recovery..."

...Many who begin to trust God again have much more difficulty trusting people in any church. It helps to confront the truth about God’s people with statements similar to the following:

• Leaders are not more favored by God over others in the church.

• All struggle spiritually, even leaders.

• All are in various stages of growth (no instant spirituality).

• All make mistakes, none are infallible.

• All can learn to hear God’s voice for themselves—no need to remain spiritual children who must submit to parental leaders.

• All need each other—none are needless.

• All have something to give and are valuable to God.

• All—leaders and lay persons—are called to live by the same standards.

• All need to have their own relationship with God apart from the involvement of other believers—including spouses.

• The church is not just one building or one gathering, but believers
everywhere..."