This Temporal Cycle of life and the Cosmic

It was a simple wedding; nothing very elaborate at all. As we sat there witnessing the simplicity of the setting and of the ceremony, I found myself with a sense that something of momentus cosmic consequence was happening. Yes, that is true of all weddings, but for some reason I felt it more keenly at this one.

Of course what that cosmic consequence will be will not be fully known in this life. But this I know and believe; the mundane things and cycles of this life in some way or fashion will echo into eternity. The story of Ruth comes to mind as a classic Biblical example. We are all part of a much bigger story. Our story ’s threads will and are being intricately woven into the fabric of that much greater Story.

Of This & That.

~ "Don't grow old..." said my 97 year old mother in-law.

~ How many Christian women over the past 2,000 years have been in a position to be a "Proverbs 31" woman? The Proverbs 31 woman had servants, and her husband was on the town council. I dare say 95% of the virtuous Christian women over the past 2,000 years were not in the socio-economic class of the Proverbs 31 woman. Commentators and writers need to be VERY careful how they apply that passage to the general population of Christian women around the world.

~ At least I can have some assurance that a Mormon will have some degree of a common sense of decency. That is more then can be said for a cold blooded secular materialist.

~ Has anyone written an opera based on the story of Aeneas and Dido in book 4 of the Aeneid? Lovers torn apart by fate and the gods. The wrath of a woman scorned... Thwarted love and suicide... The answer is yes: Dido and Aeneas by Henry Purcell, Didone abbandonata by Niccolò Piccinni, Les Troyens by Hector Berlioz, among others.

~ Yes, I am becoming a soccer fan. I don't have a favorite MLS team yet, but the Seattle Sounders are in the running. Not having a personal history in the sport, I'm not tied to any of the Midwest teams.

A Decade Ago Already?

I have had occasion to ponder some of the events in my life that happened 10 years ago this month. Has it been that long already?

It was a time of change for myself and my family; significant major change. Those events were a culmination of things that had been churning and gestating and fermenting for a number of years before they reached the point of critical mass and our world shifted.

Yes, it was only a few months after the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center towers in New York. But what was going on in my life and the life of my family at that time was not the stuff of newspaper headlines.

Looking back at that time, in all our personal turmoil and tumult, what I remember most is how God's hand guided us through the darkness, and how in those personal and family events of November 2001, that point of deepest darkness was actually the point when the light of dawn began to break upon our weary hearts and souls.

In the end we were free. Truly and really free...

God is good... "Hereto has the LORD helped us..." To Him be all praise, honor, and glory foever and ever. Amen!

The Twofold Basis of Love

The relationship of love I have with my wife is based on two fundamental epistemological foundations.

First is the objective propositions I know about her. She is Nancy; not Karen or Lucy or Martha. And she is a very specific Nancy; not any of the other Nancys I have had acquaintance with through my life time. There are very specific objective propositions that define who she is and which set her apart from all other individuals. Or to put it another way, there are boundaries that uniquely define who she is in contrast to all others in the world. Those boundaries, of necessity, exclude all others from her uniqueness.

Second is the experiential (existential) relation that I have with her in the marital state that over our years together has resulted in the accumulation of a life time of shared intimate experiences which are not shared with anyone else; and which unite us together in way that was never imagined when we first spoke our vows to one another.

Take away either of these two fundamental foundations, and my marriage to her starts to become meaningless and empty. (In fact I will make so bold to say as an aside that in my observation many a divorce in our culture is a result of a break down at one or both of these foundations.)

It is no small thing that Paul compares the relationship of marriage between a man and a woman to the relationship Christ has with His people as constituted in the church.

I can only begin to know Jesus when I have both objective propositional truth about who He is, and a personal intimate (existential) relationship to Him.

Modernity wants me to rest on propositional truth alone. Post-modernity wants me to rest on existential experience alone. Biblical perspective requires me to resist both extremes, and be counter-cultural to both.

If either one of these foundations are taken away, then it becomes impossible to really know Jesus in any meaningful way. There is a specific Jesus to intimately know. That specificity in itself creates definition and that definition sets a boundary that excludes all others who would claim to be "Jesus".

The Bible talks about false Christs, so it is not just any “Jesus” I need to get to know or “move towards”. The assertion false Christs exist, demands a definition and boundary by which we know who the true Jesus is. That is the Jesus we are be in intimate relation with.

Do you "know" Him?

Peace...

~ The Billy Goat ~

Where is the author's respect for Scripture?
A Review of Martha Peace's "The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective"
(Focus Publishing,1999)


A number of years ago my wife was reading this book and came to me in frustration. My wife's frustration had its roots in Peace's very loose and inadequate exegesis of Scriptures. In my own examination there were more then a few cases where applications were made of parts of Scripture that had nothing to do with the intent and purpose of the passage cited.

Anyone reading any of Peace's books need to do so with an open Bible and a critically exegetical eye. The author's miss-exegesis did not indicate an understanding of what respect for God's Word demands in terms of careful and respectful handling. I told my wife I did not want her to read this book. She gladly "submitted" to my wishes.

As a Christian man, I take exception to the lop-sided emphasis on the wife "submitting" without taking the husbands to task about loving their wife as Christ loves the church. In Ephesians, Paul devoted more time and words to the husband than he did to the wife. And that for a VERY good reason. Could it just be that if husbands were held accountable for loving their wife, the wife just might find it a joy to properly submit? The lop-sided berating of wives found in some parts of the Christian church does not fit the Biblical balance.

I find the sub-title "A Biblical Perspective" frankly miss-leading. Don't waste your money on it. My wife and I found a better and much more helpful alternative in Dr. Larry Crabb's The Marriage Builder.

~ The Billy Goat ~

So Ya Wanna Get Married

This year a number of young people we know have taken the big step of getting married. No wonder I'm feeling so old! What follows is an edited form of several posts I published on Xanga with the purpose of giving to those young people some advice based on the 34 years my wife and I have been together.

Yes, my dear wife has put up with me for 34 years. If we were Catholic, that would qualify her for sainthood. She really is a saint and also happens to be my best friend apart from Jesus Himself.

In the course of those 34 years together, we have found that there is a treasure that married couples accumulate. It is the treasure of the intimacy of shared experience of a life time together, a shared experience that goes far beyond the physical union, a shared experience that becomes more and more valuable as the years go on. That is another reason why the breakup of a marriage is a sad and tragic thing.

When a couple marries, they make a choice to love one another to the exclusion of all others. But that is just the start. For a marriage to last requires a continual choosing to love one another exclusively, a choosing that needs to be made every day, yes, even every hour and minute. It is in that continuous choosing that the treasure of intimate shared experience is accumulated.

I know that a few of you who will read this have gone through the pain and heartache of a failed marriage, that of your parents, or even your own. In Christ is the hope of the ultimate gain of your crushed expectations. The relation of Christ and His church is compared to marriage. There is an intimacy of shared experience you can have with Him, yes, that in the ultimate consummation you will fully have with Him. An intimacy that will more then make up any loss we've had in this poor, fallen, yet to be fully redeemed world.

At that time 34 years ago, when my wife and I got married, we included in the ceremony words in the form of vows that included the words, "... in sickness and in health.." and "..for richer or poorer..". Such words are usually included in most of the weddings we've witnessed over the years, and I think many couples, including ourselves, say those words without really comprehending their full meaning.

The words in that part of the vow have to do with expectations of "normalcy" most couple come to the altar with. You expect to have children. What happens when for whatever reason you are not able to? You expect the spouse to maintain some semblance of normal health. What happen when one or the other is disabled in a car accident or by a stroke? You expect that as a family you will have at least some semblance of an adequate income. What happens when the working spouse is bouncing from one job to another mostly through no fault of their own, or maybe in some cases because it is their fault? Or unexpected medical bills or legal bills or whatever bills devastates family finances?

There are also the unrealistic expectations that couples come into marriage with. One of the break throughs in my relationship with my wife came at a time of crisis when we both realized we were looking for things in each other that the other could not be or give, in fact the only one who could give to us individually those kind of things we were looking for from each other, was Christ alone; ultimate acceptance, basic worth and dignity, full understanding. In short we learned to allow each other to be human, redeemed yet not yet fully sanctified humans. The pressure was off. We were free to love one another as Christ Himself loves us.

Let's face it! A lot of our romantic expectations have been molded by the subtle pseudo-romantic view of our decadent media sotted culture. Even the most sheltered are not immune from it. It is when expectations are dashed upon the rocks of the reality of life that we face the choice; the same choice we made on that wedding day, to love that other one exclusively, to continue together to collect the treasure of the experience of a shared intimacy of life. In our own case, it was the hard times that in the end, when all was said and done, made that treasure all the more valuable.

It is my prayer for all of you who are married or may be approaching marriage that by God's grace and with His help, you will endure for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, choosing moment by moment to love that one you made or will make that promise to, and to love him or her exclusively no matter what providence may befall you in this yet to be fully redeemed world, that you will accumulate that valuable treasure, and never despise it.

What does this ultimately call us to?

"The main characteristic of love is unselfishness. Love thinks of the loved one before it thinks of self. The interests of the beloved are paramount."

Donald G. Barnhouse, Exposition of Romans, Vol. I

Several times over the years I've been asked to do the Scripture reading at a wedding. Usually the passage to be read has already been picked out, but one time I was allowed to pick the passage myself. The passage I choose to read from on that occasion was Philippians 2: 1-13.

Now Philippians 2 is not usually the kind of Scripture passage most people would choose to have read at their wedding. However, I submit that this passage above all passages hits at the crux of the foundational issues of the marriage relationship. The love of Christ was manifested by His denying Himself, giving up the glories and prerogatives of Heaven, and taking on flesh as a man to the point of death on the cross. His is the ultimate servant example of loving unselfishness.

As Barnhouse has commented, unselfishness is a mark and expression of love. For my purpose I want to focus on love in marriage, and unselfishness as the expression of that love.

I learned how wickedly selfish I was in the first year of our marriage. The past 34 plus years have been a lesson in the school of learning self denial. And though I do better then I did, I still have to work on it, and will need to keep working on it for the rest of my life.

It is my observation that the guy is the one who usually has the most problem with selfishness in the marriage relationship. The gal can struggle in that area to, but because we are from Mars, men tend to struggle with it more.

Now put this in the context of the wedding day and the marriage vows that are being spoken to one another. Those vows are vows to practice self-denial for the sake of the other. It is a promise to put the other above oneself.

Yes, guys, you are to put your wife above yourself. Headship and leadership is to be demonstrated by unselfishness toward the wife. Any other kind of headship or leadership is what Jesus called "Lording it over" as the pagans and secular unbelievers do. It's at this point, sad to say, some Christian husbands blow it. They use terms like "godly assertiveness" or "Biblical headship" to exert a leadership that is anything but servant or Biblical or truly godly. (Such leadership is also often marked by an un-Biblical low view of women in general.)

The bottom line is that as you approach your wedding day, you need to count the cost. You will no longer be the center of the Universe. You never were in the first place. In case you missed it the order goes like this: God - others - self. Day in and day out, hour by hour and minute by minute you will be called on to deny yourself in way up to this point you've not had to. It will take much grace and patience. It will call for the giving of much grace, patience, and forgiveness to the other. God can and will help you. Don't ever forget His part in your marriage relationship. Staying close to Him will go along way towards your being able to stay close to one another as a married couple.

May your marriage be a success, and may you and your spouse or spouse to be gather much treasure in the years God gives you together.

Shalom,

~ The Billy Goat ~

Christian Digest Magazine On-Line
- Families Where Grace Is In Place
Getting free from the burden of pressuring, controlling and manipulating your spouse and children
By Jeff Van Vonderen



Editors comment: When people spend their lives trying to transform or fix their spouses and their kids, the natural result is exhaustion, depression and the hopeless sense of wanting to bail out of it all. Here’s a message about how God’s grace can transform relationships within a marriage and family. The first step is learning the simple difference between God’s job and ours. God’s part is to fix and change. Our responsibility is to depend on the holy Spirit, serve our families and to help equip them to be all they can be. The Christian family’s ultimate goals of harmony, obedience and full potential can be arrived at without using legalistic and manipulative methods. No wonder Bill Hybels called it, "The single best book on the family that I’ve read in recent years."

"Mark was one of the most dedicated Christian men I'd ever met. In the community, he had a sterling reputation as a business and civic leader; in his church, he was a hard working deacon and an excellent Sunday school teacher. In large part, his apparent success at everything he put his hand to came from a "can do" attitude. He often sacrificed his own comfort and needs to help someone else or to work for some higher goal. When problems came up for his wife and kids, Mark directed them to what he always did: "Quit complaining-when you focus on a problem, you become a problem. Just do the right thing. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not. The kingdom of God is not a democracy."

One day, reality gave Mark an alarming wake up call. His wife, Karin, began to suffer symptoms of a breakdown and checked herself into a local health clinic. Mark received the emergency call at work. He rushed to her bedside and, holding her hand, tried to offer comfort. "You can lick this, hon. I don't know what's happening here, but if you'll just call on the Lord"

Karin exploded. "Look at me, Mark! Look at me. Do you see what's happening to me? Have you ever really seen me or what I need? Do you really know the kids, or what they need? I didn’t marry you to have an 'answer man.' And if you tell me one more time, 'Just pray about it,' I'll go over the edge. Stop giving us your mechanical answers, and love us." Tears of frustration that had been building for years-finally choked off her plea.

Two of their three children had come to the clinic with Karin. Their eyes, full of tears, met his-and all Mark could see, suddenly, belatedly, was the depth of pain they carried, pain he'd stifled in them. All he could hear in his mind were the years of Christian principles he'd cited to his family-the standards Christians were supposed to live up to in order to be good Christians. Had he been wrong somehow, even while he was speaking the "right" words? On the other hand, maybe this was just some kind of spiritual attack.

Mark's twelve-year-old daughter was sobbing too hard to speak. But his teenaged son looked him in the eye and, in the most impassioned voice Mark had ever heard, pleaded with him. "Dad, we love you. But you make us feel like we're never going to be good enough. Please listen to what Mom's saying. Help her!"....."